Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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