You're my little dorito
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
