I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
