i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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