i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
