how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
ttyl tear gas
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
