I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
