You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
