1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
