There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
