They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
