So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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