btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
