Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
