In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize