Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
