Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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