This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
