She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
