We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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