He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
