dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
