I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
