there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
