honey bunches of taint.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
