On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just found a bag of teeth...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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