Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
