I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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