I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
