I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
