Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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