Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
