he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
