MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
