also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
