I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
