i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
