Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
