I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
