i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
