i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
