Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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