I can tuck mytits in my pants
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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