I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
