Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
