Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize