look no pants
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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