it was like having sex with a tree stump
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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