Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
