69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
