Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
handjob tips. give me some.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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