try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
