Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
