the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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