I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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