I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You can't just leave with hair like that
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
