This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
