Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
