am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
