Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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