she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
