I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
