I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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