i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
