I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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