i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
