Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
