I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
