I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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