I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
