I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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