Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
