Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
