Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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