So drunk its hurt
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize