walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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