you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize