did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
