I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
