bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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