1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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