Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
