Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
