You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
