You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize