The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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