I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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