five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
