passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
