doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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