she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize