Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
