highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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